Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Onion peels.

I often mention to Ce that I really should have waited for love until I turned 25.
That was the original plan that I made when I was 12. I was a smart kid. But alas, charm and hormones have wooed me into what I now consider a serious relationship.
To wait would have been smart, because love is difficult. Sometimes I don't like the person I am in a relationship, namely the vulnerable, emotional girl that I had detested growing up. To let so many layers of the onion peel and let another person into my personal space is severely uncomfortable, and much of my time and focus is lost to such feelings. Sometimes I just think it sucks.
At the same time, it is a blessing to have a person that I admire share that space with me. I know that. This world is simultaneously beautiful and horrible, and to have someone ground you in happiness through life's ups and downs is something to appreciate. It makes me happy, and I honestly think the happiness factor outweighs the anxiety and tears that result from our sporadic struggles.
Being in love is growing together. Clearly, every person has a few things they must overcome, and if you can do that in the company of someone you trust, you are golden.

But sometimes I can't help but wonder if I should be spoiled by such company.

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