Friday, September 20, 2013

what lovely friends i have

It's too late for big words and full sentences, but I am leaving a little remark here about how I'm feeling loved and how much I appreciate the people who help make my life what it is.

Now I'm off to a weekend vacation.

Wishing everyone a wonderful weekend!
love, c.

Saturday, September 14, 2013

what am i doin

A few days ago, I fully prepared myself for a phone interview yet proceeded to fail the very next morning. It was extremely frustrating to feel my confidence quickly diminish under the anxiety of a very quiet panel of interviewers whose faces I couldn't even see. And I have been telling myself it was great practice, but you can only learn from something if you reflect. 

Initially, I could not understand how my preparations had failed me. I had gotten great tips from friends, I answered sample interview questions, and wrote myself a rough script.
In retrospect, I can see that cramming was one contributing factor to the mess that was my interview. Cramming works, for some people. I picked up the habit in high school, but over the years have come to accept that it really does not work for me. From personal experience, cramming is the antithesis to actual learning in that the repetitiveness disconnects me from the material which, in turn, depletes my retention rate to nearly zero. Additionally, with cramming the expression of my knowledge is narrowed to the words used in the memorizing process. This means when a question is worded differently, I have a more difficult time finding the words to answer it, even if I knew the answer a few minutes prior. During the interview, I had the words on a word doc in front of my face, but still had difficulty finding them due to nerves (and the amount of notes I had written up for myself). 

Second, I researched the company I was applying to and found that I could not agree with some of their principles. You should always study up on the company you apply to, but what's even better is to get excited about the company. When your enthusiasm for any element of the job or company is sincere, it translates. If you need to know more about them to make a judgment, ask them! In my case, I had found that the company was becoming pretty corporate and unfriendly to small business owners. I felt it wasn't my place to ask about it, but it added to my uncertainty and thus anxiety during the interview.

Lastly, I'd like to touch on the notion of the fit of an employee in a company. This is a regurgitation of wonderful advice I received from a wonderful friend:
At any workplace, there is a culture. Sometimes, you will not fit that culture. That does not mean anything negative about your intelligence, your qualifications, or your character. It's just in the best interest of the employers to find a person who can readily find a place in a new environment. If you applied to a job that you felt was perfect for you, it probably is, and you'd probably be good at it given the chance. But fitting the culture defines whether you would feel that you have social support in the workplace, whether you would be comfortable working, and whether you would want to stay working.

So today I remain unemployed. Tomorrow I'll be catering a wedding with a little bow tie. Hooray for random jobs!

regardless, i am alive

I can't wait until vacation.

Wishing everyone a peaceful night!
love, c.

Monday, September 9, 2013

as i groove the night along to frank ocean

night falls.

I can basically feel my heart melt back to its 13 year-old form when I listen to older r&b. I'm just very glad I've grown to be critical of its ridiculousness.

I have painted my nails and purchased a pair of heels. This shouldn't be noteworthy, but it makes me feel a little "back in bidness" vibe coming on and I kind of enjoy that.

As part of our "fun foods" menu, mother and I made kimchi hot pot today. It was truly beautiful how its contents simmered in a sea of red, and its aroma sent me back to the pot time and again despite the slightly painful steam it emitted. Late night hunger warrants superfluous food descriptions I hope.

While I still have my moments of home sickness (haha), I'm glad to have come back to the bay. With that said, two weeks!!

The other night, I saw my parents as two individuals (outside of being my parents) so clearly that it almost felt surreal. It was the same moment that I learned my father speaks a dialect of Japanese that makes his comments sound accusatory and sometimes angry when he has no intention to do so. Ummm, wat. His dialect is very similar to "standard" spoken Japanese, so no one in the family noticed until recently. To think of all the arguments that we could have avoided if we discovered sooner. 

Thoughts and blog fragments that I'll get to later (maybe).

Good night, world.
love, c.

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

so many feelings

The post-graduation limbo has been comfortable but disquieting, exciting yet terrifying. It pumps you up, then lets you deflate until you feel like you have exhausted everything. Suffice it to say, it is a very vulnerable time.

But real talk:
1. You barely just got started.
2. As you keep at it, you'll get better at it.
3. Stay confident.
4. This is a tougher part of the life timeline, and it's temporary.

These are notes to self.

love, c.

Monday, September 2, 2013

gallivanting and gluttony

I'm pretty at peace with everything, but I'm afraid my latest adventures are showing up in my jawline.. oh well.

bagels con lox by the sea!
ooh colors
speckled lemonade + egg + bacon unf
Wishing everyone hearty meals shared with your loves!
love, c.

Sunday, September 1, 2013


I acknowledge that I like my time here.
Aside from the excitement of exploring new worlds and meeting new characters, one of the primary reasons for my fairly smooth transition to south city has been my wonderful social support system. I move forward knowing that the only people I care about in the world trust me to live my life in the best way possible. Thank you, ilyalls.

Wishing everyone a cozy night.
love, c.