Saturday, September 14, 2013

what am i doin

A few days ago, I fully prepared myself for a phone interview yet proceeded to fail the very next morning. It was extremely frustrating to feel my confidence quickly diminish under the anxiety of a very quiet panel of interviewers whose faces I couldn't even see. And I have been telling myself it was great practice, but you can only learn from something if you reflect. 

Initially, I could not understand how my preparations had failed me. I had gotten great tips from friends, I answered sample interview questions, and wrote myself a rough script.
In retrospect, I can see that cramming was one contributing factor to the mess that was my interview. Cramming works, for some people. I picked up the habit in high school, but over the years have come to accept that it really does not work for me. From personal experience, cramming is the antithesis to actual learning in that the repetitiveness disconnects me from the material which, in turn, depletes my retention rate to nearly zero. Additionally, with cramming the expression of my knowledge is narrowed to the words used in the memorizing process. This means when a question is worded differently, I have a more difficult time finding the words to answer it, even if I knew the answer a few minutes prior. During the interview, I had the words on a word doc in front of my face, but still had difficulty finding them due to nerves (and the amount of notes I had written up for myself). 

Second, I researched the company I was applying to and found that I could not agree with some of their principles. You should always study up on the company you apply to, but what's even better is to get excited about the company. When your enthusiasm for any element of the job or company is sincere, it translates. If you need to know more about them to make a judgment, ask them! In my case, I had found that the company was becoming pretty corporate and unfriendly to small business owners. I felt it wasn't my place to ask about it, but it added to my uncertainty and thus anxiety during the interview.

Lastly, I'd like to touch on the notion of the fit of an employee in a company. This is a regurgitation of wonderful advice I received from a wonderful friend:
At any workplace, there is a culture. Sometimes, you will not fit that culture. That does not mean anything negative about your intelligence, your qualifications, or your character. It's just in the best interest of the employers to find a person who can readily find a place in a new environment. If you applied to a job that you felt was perfect for you, it probably is, and you'd probably be good at it given the chance. But fitting the culture defines whether you would feel that you have social support in the workplace, whether you would be comfortable working, and whether you would want to stay working.

So today I remain unemployed. Tomorrow I'll be catering a wedding with a little bow tie. Hooray for random jobs!

regardless, i am alive

I can't wait until vacation.

Wishing everyone a peaceful night!
love, c.

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